Why do Battered Men Stay in the Relationship?

Domestic violence experts often express concern for women who stay in an abusive relationship, saying these women have no alternatives to escape.

But what about battered men who stay in their relationship – why don’t they leave?

The recent study, “A Closer Look at Men who Sustain Intimate Terrorism by Women,” reveals that 62% of battered men had not left their partners yet, even though most (94%) of them had considered leaving.

So why didn’t these men exit the bad relationship?

• Concerned about the children – 88.9%
  When he got married, it was for life – 80.5%
  Love – 71.3%
  Fears he may never see the children again – 67.5%
  Thinks she’ll change – 55.6%
  Doesn’t have enough money to leave – 52.8%
  Has nowhere to go – 52.2%
  Embarrassed other will find out he’s being abused – 52.2%
  Doesn’t want to take the children away from her – 46.0%
  She threatened to kill herself if he left – 27.5%
  He fears she’ll kill him or someone he loves if he leaves – 24.2%

And 12.7% of men feared the repercussions of splitting up. For example,:

• “She spends every penny that comes in and has racked up thousands in debt. I would lose everything I’ve tried to save. Or at least half including half my retirement.”
• “She threatened to ruin me financially, ruin my professional reputation (we work together), lock me out of the house, and tell the police anything she wants to tell them.”
• “I was advised that if I leave, I would hurt my chances of gaining custody of the children in the long run.”

Source: Hines DA, Douglas EM. A closer look at men who sustain intimate terrorism by women. Partner Abuse Vol. 1, No. 3, 2010. Table 7. http://www.clarku.edu/faculty/dhines/Hines%20&%20Douglas%20Dec_7_2009_closer_look_at_abused_men.pdf

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